Care and law…this is this season


Ed Attention: This is the latest article in a series of series about motherhood in the legal profession in collaboration with our friends Mother fashion. Welcome Emily Monarch to our page.Please click Here If you want to donate to MothersEsquire.

At some point, most lawyers find themselves taking care of their children, parents or spouse, sometimes three people while they are in the legal profession.

As I write this article, my 9-year-old daughter is sitting across from me, concentrating on her laptop. In this era of COVID-19, she took a virtual class on Zoom video calls. This morning, I have sent text messages with two friends to discuss nursing issues with their elderly parents. In my office, another lawyer from my company, Larisa Gilbert (Larisa Gilbert), and her mother The personal care facility held talks to discuss shower schedules and billing issues.

“Anything I couldn’t learn in law school, but something I really need to know” list, conservation ranks first. But, as the former first lady Rosalynn Carter said: “There are only four kinds of people in the world: those who have taken care of, those who are now taking care of them, those who will become caregivers and those who need caregivers. .”

When I was a law student, I didn’t even think of becoming a caregiver. I know I want to be a mother, but I don’t know the details. When my eldest son was born, I thought of the short sprint from maternity leave to kindergarten.

In my mind, I will conduct research and choose daycare, and then we will sail until it’s time to send my son to school. Along the way, our two daughters and the pressure of homework, sports and extracurricular activities came here. Mentally, I moved the finish line to a high school graduation-it was a marathon, not a sprint.

When my youngest child was in preschool, I opened an elderly law firm. In the first few years, I have witnessed talented professional men and women taking care of not only their children but also their spouses and elderly parents while taking care of their careers.

It was then that I realized that for many lawyers, care is not limited to young mothers: these responsibilities will accompany us throughout our careers.

This revelation shocked me. In law school and in the early days of my practice, I drank Kool-Aid’s career. I believe that any interruption in working life will lead to professional suicide. I read articles about the sacrifices made by working mothers one by one. However, taking care has become the focus of my practice, rather than interrupting or distracting. Every day, I use my law degree to help other paramedics navigate their journey. I no longer worry about the time spent for the people I love will ruin my career.

When I sit with a family and help them make a difficult decision, my credentials are not important. What matters is the shared experience. When Larisa said: “My father who just passed away was a professional naval officer,” or my paralegal, Kathleen, said to a client: “We experienced the same thing as our parents”, that’s what matters .

Our clients don’t care where we go to law school, who we serve, or under what circumstances we win. They just want to know that we understand and care.

When everyone is struggling to overcome the assigned roles in life and let the children become parents, I feel a struggle, but I think lawyers struggle more. We have high standards. We sweat the back. We are obsessed with letting our family do what we think is right. We believe that our views go far beyond their obvious conclusions. At some point, most lawyers find that they are taking care of their children, parents or spouse while they are engaged in the legal profession, sometimes taking care of all three at the same time.

When you find yourself in this position, some of the information I have learned during this process may be helpful, especially as we enter the holidays.

First of all, don’t argue. Whether you are facing an unruly toddler, a 15-year-old child, or an opinionated parent, resist the urge to debate. Putting forward some good choices and letting your loved ones make a decision is a better use of your skills.

Second, seek help. Too many times, we are not sure how our parents or siblings can help us. Maybe your brother can buy groceries for your mother, or your sister who lives out of town can call the insurance company. An experienced senior lawyer may be your best advocate, and a paid caregiver will make you a daughter or son again. Asking for help may also create some coveted and needed time to take care of yourself.

Third, don’t let perfection become the enemy of kindness. Those of us who are accustomed to grabbing the next brass ring take the responsibility of the caregiver very seriously. However, no one will award points (or preferred child status) for your grades. Lowering expectations, especially during this pandemic and busy holiday period, will reduce stress and internal stress.

It’s enough to know, try to do it for the people you love and move on.

Emily Monarch is the wife and mother of three children living in Louisville, Kentucky. She is the founder of PLLC Elder Law Solutions, a law firm dedicated to helping families solve legal, financial and nursing problems caused by caring for the elderly. Emily is a board member of the Life Care Planning Law Firm Association, a national holistic legal practice network that provides legal services, nursing coordination and defense services to help Elderly customers and their families. You can learn more about life care plans from the following websites: You can contact Emily at or through her website:

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